Friggin' Jehovah's Witnesses

I was going to post some boring thing about parents and sex, but that will have to wait.

As I was fininshing my morning blog reads, I heard the distinctive crunch of tires on gravel in our driveway. Domino heard it too, and immediately jumped up and started barking. This awakened Emily, who is sleeping off yet another 100+ degree fever. I grabbed the boy and ran out to the garage, figuring that this was probably a pretty good place to leave him so he didn't tear the house apart trying to get outside.

The owner of the tires on the gravel wasn't a family member stopping by to see how we're doing, it was a van-full of women spreading 'The Good News'.

Side note: I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ, the Bible and all that stuff. However, I believe that Jehovah's Witnesses have a few of the facts of Christianity wrong and I'm not interested in going into a big discussion about my faith with them.

Apparently, one of the ladies (who, seriously, couldn't have been more than 18) recognized me from my job at the drug store. Honestly? I don't recall ever seeing her. She kept advancing towards me like she wanted to hug me. Um, no thanks. She was all sympathetic and full of questions about my leg/foot, which is currently still encased in fiberglass. And all the while, she is calling me 'Honey'. I am at least 10 years older than this girl. I really HATE it when complete strangers call me endearments like that. I find it especially annoying when the person is clearly younger (and thinner) than I am.

I explained briefly what happened and just as I was about to ask them how I could help them, she tried to hand me a tract. "The Watchtower" to be exact.

I told them that my daughter was crying in the house and said that I really had to get back.

Then I fired my parting shot. "You know, my dog is usually outside and he doesn't like strangers. It would probably be better if you didn't come back."

The other lady said "Good to know." As they were heading for their car.

This parting shot was devised for me by my mother-in-law, who was visited by JW's when we were still living together. Domino was outside, so he was standing right next to the guys as she was telling them that he is "highly medicated and very unpredictable. You are lucky you didn't get hurt." She said one of the guys said, in a frightened voice, "Nice doggie." ROFL.

Ahem. Sorry. I know that they are following what they believe to be their calling, but I wish that they would just leave me alone.

The best part is that when I got back into the house with Cujo, I mean, Domino, Emily had gone back to sleep. YAY! Girlfriend needs her sleep. She also, since then, has slept through the neighbor's car door setting off another bark-fest.

One final post-script to all this. Domino talks a good game, but he really is a big wuss. He has never bitten anyone. He snarls and barks and growls as though he is going to, but we think that is more to keep people away from him. Please don't think that I am housing a dangerous dog with my baby daughter. He has never been anything but sweet and loving towards Emily, and we never EVER leave the two of them together unattended. His aggression has always been to people and dogs he perceives to be not from his "pack". He accepted Emily into his pack about 10 minutes after we introduced them.

Want some cheese with that whine?

Tomorrow is the day that I will hopefully get my cast off. I say hopefully because there is no guarantee that everything is all better in there. I won't really know that till I see the doctor. I can say that my foot is not hurting as much as it did pre-cast, but it does still hurt, on occasion.

I am trying very hard not to get my hopes up too much about getting my cast off, but I am also looking forward to it. A lot.

This has been a very warm 4 weeks and this cast is not air conditioned. Neither is our house. I have not taken a proper shower since the day I got my cast put on and I miss that very much. I don't like to sit while I bathe. It makes washing certain parts very difficult. Yet, if I stand up, I run the risk of having water run down my leg and into my cast. I also run the risk of one of my feet slipping, which could result in me doing a very uncomfortable version of the splits.

The hair on my left leg has now grown so long, I am sure I could braid it. I was walking in the basement yesterday and realized that there were a couple of hairs that were being dragged up and down with my every step. Not a comfortable sensation. The skin is peeling on all of my toes, like I've had a bad sunburn.

I have kicked my right ankle with my left foot several times these past 4 weeks, to the point that I now have scabs on my ankle from where the fiberglass hit it.

If I stand up or sit without my leg up, my foot swells like a balloon and my leg starts to sweat in the cast. This makes cooking dinner, cleaning up from dinner, and pretty much all childcare responsibilities become uncomfortable. And hot.

And then there is sleeping. Since my pregnancy, when I spent 3 months sleeping on my side, I like to sleep on my side. If I lay on my left side, my right leg is on scratchy fiberglass. If I lay on my right side, my left leg is too heavy to be on top of my right. And poor Mike. I have kicked him at least a couple of times.

BC (before cast), my mom and I would get together and have lunch in the food court of the mall at least once a week. We weren't necessarily shopping for anything, just having lunch and taking a stroll around the mall. I haven't done that since I had the cast put on, because it is just too much walking for me. I haven't done much of anything outside the house, unless it was vitally important.

Yesterday, I snapped. I missed getting together with my mom. I missed the stupid food court of the mall. I missed the way Emily waves at the carousel. So we did it anyways. We didn't sit at our normal table and we didn't do the post-lunch walk, but dammit, we still had lunch at the mall.

I've been needing to go to the store to get stuff for Emily's birthday party, but with my cast on, it just seems too much like work. I'm waiting, and hoping, for there to be time for me to do that stuff after the cast comes off.

Picture

I mentioned in a comment at Blogging Baby that I would post a picture of Emily wearing a onesie from Wry Baby that says 'I might barf'.

So here it is.

The Elmo party hat is not included with your Wry Baby order.



I mentioned on Friday that we were going to the Berkshires to visit a resort. This was a free trip we'd 'won' after I entered a drawing at a local festival earlier this year. I say we 'won' it because they were pretty much just trying to get anyone to come out to see them, and using the free trip as an excuse.

Mike and I don't mind doing that kind of stuff, especially when there are financial incentives for us to do so. We were promised two 3-night 'getaways' at any of their other resorts, plus a $50 VISA gift card if we went
and listened to a 90 minute presentation.

So we went. Me on my crutches, Mike with his surgical shoe and Emily badly in need of a nap. The guy who was to give us the tour took one look at us and started giving the super speed version. We were whisked through the condo and into the clubhouse to start talking nitty-gritty by 10:30. The tour started at 10. We had to stay for a minimum of 90 minutes to get the goodies.

So Mike (the tour guide) starts asking us what we do for fun. We answer, "Watch TV, read, surf the 'net."

He asks, "Do you go out?" "No, not very often."

"Do you go to movies?"

"No. Not very often."

"Do you rent movies?"

"Sometimes. Infrequently."

At this point, I'm starting to feel like a boring hag. All I do is sit at home and watch the paint peel and moths procreate.

Finally, one of us said, "Listen, we don't have a lot of money. We sometimes go to the mall and walk around, but we try not to spend money. What we do for fun is limited to whatever we can do that is free."

That was when Tour Guide Mike gave us a financing application form and left our area. For 20 minutes. I filled out our contact information, which was pretty much the only thing on the form I felt comfortable about writing down.

I'm not going to tell a marketing firm what our monthly mortgage payment is. I'm also not going to tell them what the credit line on our credit card(s) is. Sorry, folks, that just ain't your business.

After sitting for 20 minutes, trying to keep Emily from breaking the windows with her fussy-baby shrieks, someone went and got Tour Guide Mike and dragged him back to sit with us some more.

This was a very demoralized Mike. He sat back down and quietly asked how much a month we could afford. Mike (husband Mike), said "Nothing."

"Can you afford $6 a day? Would that negatively impact your finances?"

"Well, yes, I think it would."

"What about $4 a day?" "Or $2 a day?"

"$2 a day is $60 per month, right?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Tour Guide Mike, our budget gives me $60 per month in discretionary money. That's the money I use if Emily needs a prescription or I have to buy something that isn't planned for in the regular budget. Putting that $60 towards a time-share isn't going to work for us."

At which point, Tour Guide Mike got up and went to find out how much we would have to pay to buy the time-share. And also how much time we'd used up, since it was pretty clear he wasn't going to be making a sale today.

He presented the numbers ($132/month for 7 years), made a good effort to show us how we'd be throwing our money away if we didn't buy and continued to take 'regular' vacations, and then sent us on our merry way.

He got the last laugh, though. He sent us to another pitch guy for one last shot. The other pitch guy (he never told us his name) chopped $3,000 off the price. Still no.

We went to another building to get our free stuff and discovered the VISA gift card had been changed to a gift card for a local restaurant. We had been planning to hit Burger King on our way out of town. Instead, we went to this restaurant and had lunch. We then gave the remainder of the gift card (about $27) to the waitress. She got a $27 tip on a $23 tab. It's a good thing she was very cool. She had a daughter about the same age as Emily, so she went to the kitchen and cut up a bunch of veggies and fruit for Little Miss "I Want to Feed Myself".

We got home about 5:30. It's always good to be back, even after a short break.

The Devil Wears Prada

My mom and I went to see 'The Devil Wears Prada' yesterday. I've read the book at least twice and was very much looking forward to seeing it on screen.

While I enjoyed the movie, I didn't feel like it stayed very true to the book. A bunch of things got changed that I didn't feel needed to be.

For starters, Andy's boyfriend's name was changed from Alex to Nate. Why? Was the actor incapable of acting with the name Alex?

Also, in the book, Andy recently graduated from Brown, not Northwestern.

Even with all the changes, I still enjoyed it very much. My mom also seemed to enjoy it and she's going to read the book soon. I also enjoyed a much needed 'mommy-break'. My dad watched Emily for the afternoon while Mom and I went to the movie.

Emily's been fighting a cold all week and has been more demanding than usual. It has also been really hot here and with my cast, it is very hard for us to go anywhere that has air conditioning. Mike has had to put up with a cranky wife this week.

We're going to go to a resort in the Berkshires (in Massachusetts) this weekend. They offered us an overnight package, plus a couple of multiple night packages if we go there and see some 90 minute presentation about their new resort. The whole thing is free, not counting the gas and food, so the price was right.

GAH!

This afternoon, I was sitting on our couch (okay, laying) when the phone rang. I figured it was my darling husband, calling to see how my day was going.

It wasn't.

It was our mortgage company calling to find out when we were going to send them our payment. For July.

Mike and I are very very careful about making sure that the mortgage gets paid before anything else and that all bills are sent out well before the first of the month.

I knew that Mike had paid the bills at the end of June and that I had put them in the mail. I went to the computer room, where we keep all financial stuff and found the carbon for the check. Sure enough, Mike wrote it. I came back out to the living room (where my laptop has taken up semi-permanent residence on a side table) and checked the bank website. The check, not surprisingly, hasn't cleared yet. And we have a very pretty 4 digit balance.

Houston, we have a problem.

I assured the very nice lady from the mortgage company that I would send them a check, including the late fee (GAH!) today.

I called Mike to let him know about this and also to see if he could remember deciding not to send the mortgage payment.

So then, to top it all off, I went to the bank's website and discovered that stopping a check will cost $30. THIRTY-FREAKIN'-DOLLARS! For a process they note right above the form is an AUTOMATED process done by computer. So the $30 is for what, exactly?

Stupid banks. Grr.

Reasons...

12 Reasons Why I Can't Wait to Get My Cast Off:

1. The shower/bath.
2. I haven't washed my left foot in almost 3 weeks.
3. Ditto for shaving my left leg.
4. Toe jam.
5. It was at least 90 degrees here yesterday.
6. I cannot itch my leg.
7. It itches a lot.
8. Going shopping involves at least one other adult and a motorized cart.
9. I have a pain in my back from walking with one leg longer than the other.
10. I can't lay on either side when sleeping. At least, not comfortably.
11. I can't wear pants.
12. If I don't keep my leg elevated, it swells.

Reasons why it should stay on:

1. The credit card bill has never looked better. I can't go out, so I can't spend money.

Two Left Feet

So I mentioned in my 'Day in the life' post that Mike broke his foot. I also mentioned that I have a broken foot.

I'm still a little stuck on the irony of the whole situation. My husband and I both broke a bone in our left foot. I think the only way it could be more ironic is if we both broke the same bone. We didn't. Fortunately.

We went to church on Sunday morning, Mike in his blue surgical shoe and me in my hot pink cast. We were greeted with lots of chuckles and jokes about taking togetherness a step too far.

I am also glad that so far, Mike's foot continues to not be painful. The doctor didn't even think that it was broken, but he decided to take x-rays just to be sure. When he came back into the room with them, he stuck them up on the board (you know, the one with the light behind it) and said "Yep, no frac--" at which point, he stopped, because very clearly, there was a little chunk of bone floating away from all the other bones. So he started pushing on Mike's foot in roughly the spot where that bone chunk was, and sure enough, that's where it hurt the most.

And all the while, I could only just laugh at the irony.

Moths, Moths, Everywhere

We seem to have been infested with moths recently. Yuck. They are everywhere. And? They are having sex. They seem intent on making lots of baby moths to overrun the house. I wonder if they think they are going to get us to leave so they can have the place to themselves. We bought a few traps and have them in the areas where we have seen the most moths, but so far, they haven't been doing much to stem the tide. I think I have been doing more by going around the house and killing whatever moth I see. I am making daily pilgrimages to the basement (this is the moth red-light district of our house) armed with a bunch of tissues. I limp around the basement, killing indiscriminately, until I can't find any more to kill. They just keep coming, though. I am going to call the Cornell Cooperative Extension this morning to see if they have any advice. Otherwise, I think I am going to be spending a lot of time with a fly swatter in one hand and tissues in the other.

This Day in My Life, a little late

I saw this idea on PaperNapkin and thought it sounded really interesting. In fact, it was a big part of what finally pushed me over the edge into deciding to start my own blog. So, below is a Day in My Life.

4:40 A: hear Emily crying in next room. check on feverish baby, give her pacifier, go back to bed.

6 A: Mike's alarm goes off.

6:09 A: Mike's alarm goes off again. Repeat 3 times.

6:27 A: Mike gets out of bed. steal his pillow to cuddle with, go back to sleep.

6:50 A: get out of bed, head down hall to shower.

7 A: actually get into shower, after waiting for Mike to finish shaving.

7:20 A: finish taking shower/bath* and begin getting dressed.

*I recently broke my foot when stepping over a baby gate. I slipped and planted my foot a little bit too hard. After several weeks wearing a removable walking cast, the bone just wasn't healing, so my doctor put me into a fiberglass cast. The cast isn't waterproof, so I can't take a traditional shower. Mike came up with a way for me to get clean by putting a towel on a 5-gallon bucket. I sit on the bucket in the tub and use the showerhead on a hose to take a bath/shower. Or a shower/bath. We call it a bower or a shath.

8 A: decide to wake up Emily. check temperature (99), call pediatrician.

8:30 A: receive return call from pediatrician to set up sick baby appointment for today. "How's 10:10?" Whatever time they can see me is fine, Emily is sick. Time actually directly conflicts with her nap, but whatever.

*Emily spiked a fever yesterday afternoon of 102.8. She was acting somewhat like she didn't feel very well, was fussy, etc and wouldn't eat much dinner. I gave her some Tylenol and put her to bed in just her diaper (it's been very warm here and our house is not air-conditioned).

9:30 A: leave house to go to pediatrician. plan to stop at discount gas station.

9:40 A: arrive at discount gas station, multiple vehicles waiting at each pump. decide gas can wait, leave gas station.

10 A: arrive at pediatrician's, have to wait for mother to arrive to help me
with the baby. Because I have a cast and crutches, I can't go out in public with Emily without assistance from someone else. I just don't have enough hands to carry Emily (she walks, but isn't yet good about staying with Mommy), the diaper bag, my purse and use my crutches. When I'm at home, I usually don't use the crutches. My cast has a walking peg on the bottom, so I usually stomp around the house with that. My house just isn't big enough to warrant the crutches and 99% of the time, I'm carrying something that prevents me from using the crutches.

10:10 A: pediatrician thinks Emily has either a cold, Hand Foot and Mouth, or UTI.

10:30 A: arrive at mom's house, put Emily down for nap. Sit in kitchen with mom, reading papers.

12 P: prepare to leave mom's house for 2nd doctor's appointment of the day. this appointment is at podiatrist for Mike and Emily.

*Emily was born with a crooked toe on her left foot. I asked my podiatrist to take a look at it when I started seeing him for my foot. He decided that the toe wasn't likely to correct itself without intervention, so we've been putting a little tape splint on it. This visit was meant to be a check-up on the progress of her toe.

12:15 P: arrive at doctor's office, begin filling out paperwork for Mike, who is a new patient.

*Mike stepped off our lawn mower last Sunday and as he was getting off, his foot rolled out from under him. In the 3 steps it took for him to get from the lawn mower to the deck steps, his ankle/foot had developed a large egg-shaped lump. I got him set up in the house with ice and a foot stool and headed out to finish mowing the lawn. He said it didn't hurt, but the bruising wasn't pretty, all reds and purples, and I just had this funny feeling about it. So, off to the doctor with Mike.

1 P: still waiting for doctor to see us for 12:30 appointment.

1:15 P: Doctor comes into room and examines Mike, decides to take x-rays of foot.

2 P: leave doctor's office. Mike has diagnosis of evulsion fracture of 5th metatarsal of his left foot. is now wearing lovely surgical shoe. Emily's check-up went well, doctor thinks toe is corrected. We made another appointment to check it in 6 months.

2:15 P: stop at discount gas station for gas. line still long, but my gas light is on now, so must get gas.

2:28 P: Emily's eyes close in backseat. WOO-HOO! Sleeping child.

2:35 P: arrive home, put Emily in her crib for nap. Make and eat lunch. Finally.

3:10 P: on phone with mother-in-law, tell her diagnosis of Mike's foot, much laughter ensues. Empty dishwasher and reload with breakfast dishes. Clean up kitchen.

3:10-3:45 P: tidy house in anticipation of friend coming over later. run vacuum, swiffer, etc. Make bed. accidentally wake Emily when trying to close her door.

3:45 P: Leave house (AGAIN!) to go to grocery store for dessert for friend, and other essentials left off list yesterday when I went grocery shopping yesterday.

4:45 P: Arrive home from grocery store. quickly gather dinner for Emily,and then go sit down for a few minutes. Call Mike to find out when he is coming home. 6:00 it is.

5 P: Decide to start my own blog.

5:57 P: save and publish first post.

5:58 P: Mike calls, wants chinese for dinner. YAY! No cooking tonight.

6 P: baby is still very fussy, though fever was down at 3:45. Check again. 100.5. give Emily some yogurt, she finally eats a few spoonfulls.

6:30 P: get off phone with new sister-in-law, wanting help with changing her name on passport. direct her to USPS.gov. decide to call pediatrician about temp and still sort of punky acting baby.

7 P: Mike arrives home with chinese.

7-7:15 P: Eat dinner on couch. Well, dinner is on plates, we are sitting on the couch.

7:30 P: pediatrician calls back. says punkiness is normal, because Emily is sick. decide to watch her overnight and if not improved, bring her back to office tomorrow. while I'm on the phone with the doctor, we are all out on our deck. Mike is 'watching' Emily. And then Emily walks off the deck steps. She navigated the first one ok, but then completely missed the second. I'm on the phone yelling "mike, Mike, MIKE!" as she's going off because I can't get to her fast enough. Mike got there in time to pick her up and brush her off. She did a little somersault, but seems to be ok. I think it startled her more than anything. But, I'm sure it left a great impression of my parenting skills on our pediatrician.

7:35 P: give Emily her bath and start getting her ready for bed. Temp before bath is 100.2.

8 P: Friend arrives. Hand dog off to Mike to put downstairs (he is crate trained and feels happier in there if the situation in the house is anxiety-producing). Emily starts crying again. Show friend around the house, he is very complimentary. Friend lives in New York City, so he is somewhat jealous of our space. House is not that big, but probably seems it in comparison to places in the city. Friend and I sit on the couch, talking. Mike goes back to kitchen to finish grating zucchini. Our garden has begun giving us an incredible abundance of zucchini. Way more than we can eat. We gave 12 away at a church softball game on Tuesday. We got another 5 on Thursday, and 6 more tonight. We grind it up and freeze it in 2 cup increments to use for making zucchini bread.

8:30-9:30 P: Emily continues to cry off and on. We set the timer for 15 minutes when she starts crying and then when the 15 minutes are up, if she is still crying we go in and give her a pacifier.

9:45 P: I give up and tell Mike to go get her and bring her out to sit with us. I guess I was hoping that she would fall asleep in our arms if we cuddled with her. Not so much. She cuddled for a few minutes, probably 10, and then started acting like she wanted to get down and go play. Not gonna happen, little girl.

10 P: Put Emily back down, she immediately starts crying.

10:15 P: Friend leaves. Go and sit in Emily's room, holding her and give her another bottle. All the crying seems to have dehydrated her, she drains 4 ounces in no time.

10:30 P: Emily starts acting like she wants to get down and start playing, so I put her in her crib.

10:40 P: After 5 minutes of crying, Emily is asleep. Mike and I head to bed.

So that's it. A snapshot of a pretty crazy day in my life. As a note, Emily woke up this morning and seems to be feeling better. Her fever is gone, she ate a good breakfast and my sunny happy girl is mostly back with us.

Um, Hi.

Hi everyone (I hope),

My name is Erin and I am a stay-at-home mom to an 11-month old girl named Emily. A nickname that I started calling her is "Emma-looney" and so, when I decided to start a blog, calling it "The Looney Bin" seemed like a good idea.

A little about myself: I am 29 years old (will turn 30 in September), married, and as I mentioned above, a mom of one. I live in New York state, but not in New York City.

Before Emily was born, I worked for a large corporation as a payroll tax analyst. My husband also works for this same large corporation, and since he is our main bread winner, I will not be naming that corporation.

My husband and I had decided before we started trying to get pregnant that I would stay home with the child(ren), instead of returning to work. I have a part-time job in a national drug store chain, but that job is more about allowing me to have a source of conversations that don't involve poop. 'Course, I work in the pharmacy, so I get my fair share of information about my neighbor's poop habits there, too.

2005 was a big year for us. In addition to the birth of our daughter, we also bought my husband's parent's house. I still can't get over the fact that not only am I a mother, but a wife and a homeowner. I'm just not old enough to be this responsible.

Our little family also includes a dog. He is a mutt, named Domino. We adopted him a couple of years ago as a parenting trial. We figured if we didn't kill the dog, we could probably be trusted with an infant. So far, so good, on both counts. Domino is a bit of a challenge. We don't think that he was properly socialized with people and other dogs when he was a puppy, so he has some anxiety when confronted with new people or dogs. This anxiety is such that we medicate him with Prozac to calm him down. It works great! We also have worked extensively with him, prior to Emily's arrival, to ensure that he was as well trained as we could get him before the baby came. I'm really glad we did that, because I sure don't have time now to work much with him. Our house came with 1.7 acres of land and a large part of that is enclosed in an Invisible Fence, which helps entertain the dog and keep him out of my hair.

Anyways, I am looking forward to writing about my life and the adventures of staying home with a baby.